Puerto Vallarta Mexico Day 1 Nov 3

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Oh So Hungry Day 5 178 pounds april 22th

Its was Christmas!!! Its was Christmas!!!

Well not really but the wife said that i could take a break from my diet today on account of us having Brandyn's Birthday party today...heeheeheehee..im gonna be such a pig.

She even started my morning off with a plate of bacon and eggs with TOAST!!! buttered toast!! and a cup of coffee...and none of that Sweet Low crap ...real sugar..the way that Science and modified cultivation had intended...i swear i finished off the plate before my @ss had hit the chair to sit...and it was good...i must have hugged the plate close to me for well over an hour before i put it into the sink...mmm..

Didnt eat anything for the rest of the day till the evening when we all gathered at the inlaws house for the birthday party...my house is under renovations so its a no go for a party with all the dust...The minute i entered the door i swear i put the two pounds i had lost back on cause it smelled awesome....

Went downstairs and she had the table all bountied up with food....this must have been what it felt like for the first pilgrims when the indians saved their sorry asses after their first crappy harvest.....

I stammerd around for about 1/2 an hour cause we had to wait for my mom and sister to come by....the kids and i kept picking at the cut up pineapple and i even managed to sneak in one of my mother in laws delicious lemon flavored surgar coated cookies...

They are awesome. They are about the size of your palm, with a 5mm thick layer of sugar. First you scrape off the layer of sugar with your front teeth, then you take the cookie and break it off into chunks and dip them into your coffee where they engorge themselves so big that they cover the entire opening of the coffee cup....by the time you finish dunking the entire cookie, there ain't no more coffee left...but you dont care.....

"Ding Dong" it was the sound my stomach had waited to hear...as soon as my mom and sister got down the stairs i had a plate already half full, 2 slices of Jalapeno pizzas, some Portuguese rice, some of those small round potatoes all smothered in that Devil's sauce, some pineapple, Anise, and a few chunks of Melon...and this was just for starters....It felt like a pound of food at least...I snuck myself to a corner of the room where i wouldnt be disturbed and where i wouldnt be able to hurt anyone from the flying debries of melon rinds and pizza crusts....

After a few more helpings i finished it off with the finest cup of coffee and the most ear shattering yet pleasing Burp!

The wife didnt do so bad herself...there were tomato splatters and bits of rice all over the wall where she had been stationed at..

We left the kids to fend for themselves...what the hell, their 7 and 10 now...We dumped the baby off with the grandma while we ate for fear of her getting her fingers in the way of our enjoyment....

it was so good, we could have finished off a few packs of cigarettes..

I think i even had a cup of coffee in the evening when i got home but who could remember after that smorgasborg.

Oh So Hungry Day 4 180 pounds April 21st

Woke up to my kid yelling..."I'm Seven!!, I'm Seven"....evidently he was now Seven. He had been waiting all the previous day to yell that out..why i dont know. I was hungry and didnt care...

Got up, got ready for work and went into the kitchen where the loving wife had my shake ready for me. I scarfed down about half of it...its actually starting to taste better...scares me...

I noticed a list on the fridge, "Brandy's Birthday"...she had a bevy of cruel items listed, Salad, Pineapple, Melon both honey dew and the orange one, Anise (fennel to layman reading this) and 4 kinds of pizza. She had listed pepperoni, tomatoe, jalapenos, black olives and cheese as some of the toppings. Also had small potatoes and portuguese rice (orange rice with small diced vegetables and mini shrimps and hot sauce that could only have been created by the devil himself...it was that good!!!

I must have been staring at the list for a long time cause i had this long drop of drool heading towards my shoes by the time i noticed i was late...

got to work and had my cup of java and took some INGREDIENT X...

I was so busy that by the time i noticed i was hungry it was about 1pm...Got a phone call from my condescending asia-originating friend who wanted to go to lunch. She's very cruel. She knows im on this diet and yet wants...no expects...me to sit there watching her gorge herself on venison, turkey legs, side order of steak....mmmm

Actually she had pathetically small helping of rice potatoes and a salad but when your stuck eating a small portion of hamburger helper yourself..it all looks like venison...she didnt even finish it all. I swear i could feel myself welling up inside and a tear a streamin' down when she dropped the leftovers into the trash...

There was some other good stuff in their too...a half eaten momma burger (AW) some chicken mango balls, kung pao chicken, and i could swear i saw an almost whole shwarma...but i couldnt.....

Bought some Craisins to snack on in the afternoon instead...


Got home and had some thick dry chicken breast with vegetables covered in some home made tomato sauce and a salad..Italians and their homemade crap....i want perservatives and food coloring and artificial flavor...yeah yeah yeah i know she cares....munched on celery and cried myself to sleep....

Oh So Hungry Day 3 180 pounds april 20th

Woke up early. Had a knee shoved in my back and nearly had my teeth cracked from my daughter smacking the back of her head into my face.

Turns out all 3 kids had crawled into bed with us over night...5 people to a bed....may as well change my name to Lao Chung...hate it when they do that cause I end up sleeping on a sliver of mattress.... a 2 foot space....the baby is the worst one of all cause she sleeps horizontally between the both of us....

Wife got up with the kids and let me sleep for another hour...I thought that was nice of her....should have known better..after about 30 minutes got up to tinkle before catching a few more minutes of sleep and there she was in the kitchen trying to conceal the French toast, bacon and eggs she had cooked up for the kids....Even the baby had a strip of bacon hanging off of her lower lip....

Her glass of chocolate slimfast had already been consumed....She got my glass ready and before I left for work...I decided to kiss her goodbye...she resisted....the little minx always likes to play hard to get...but today....she played even harder because AH HA!!!!! she had had a piece of delicious, greasy, fattening bacon the remnants of which were still glistening off of her chin....

"Its all gone..she says ...but here...have a yogurt its orange flavor...."

MM orange white goo....yes that will do in place of bacon....

I scowled at her and left the house singing a chorus of I like big butts.....I shut the door before she could finish yelling.

On the subway, some guy was having a steaming cup of coffee...it smelled awesome...I used to have about 4 or more cups a day and for the past 3 days nada, zip zilch....I was enjoying the coffee vicariously through him. Then I realized that I hadn't taken my hunger curb pill....YES...I could have coffee...its not recommended to take them both together.

Went to Timmys and ordered an Extra Large coffee....double double double double double double...actually it was a large with milk and sweet and low...

Stuff tastes like crap! Its like eating crystallized rat poison...I didn't care..at this point anything tasted better than nothing...even rat poison...

savored the coffee all morning at work....mmmmm...it was an iced latte by the time I had finished it....

Wife had made me some mashed potatoes, side dish of noodles and some meat thing, not sure what it was, for lunch...all small portions of course...had that and finished off the coffee...

The smell of burnt popcorn wafted through the floor as we worked. I purposely walked around just to see what everyone was having for lunch...Didn't want any..just wanted to see how the other side lived...boss aka Food Police, was having something nasty...goatcheese covered in cranberries and crackers...my god...did she lose a bet...she assures me that its quite tasty...Perry mason (our lawyer to be) agrees...

All the chicks are having green leafy things with herbal this or fancy water while the guys were having normal food...food you can hold...food you can see...food with bones in it....

Got home somehow and the kids were fighting over who gets to keep most of the chocolate they had gotten from easter. They had opened up ALL the kinder eggs....I divided the chocolate and just to make it fair, i shoved some large chunks in my mouth and chewed like I had never chewed before. The buggers ratted me out so before the wife could arrive, i pulled a Calista Flockhart and spat it all out down the sink....The kids were aghast at the waste of chocolate...i was satisfied...

Had my evening shake..

went to sleep.

Oh So Hungry Day 2 180 pounds april 19 th

Its the second day

Spent the night with dreams of sugar plums dancing in my head covered in white sugar, fudge with a side of beef, eggs bacon ooooh and a muffin.

Got up to the sound of my kids in the kitching clinking and clacking away while sitting at the table eating their rice krispies.

My wife bellows "Honey" you'll be late for work.....how cruel mentioning food so early in the morning.

She had my glass of cold Strawberry slimfast waiting for me as i came down the stairs. Took my Hunger Curb pill and went to work.

She packed a blueberry yogurt for breakfast

Of course at work they were all gorging on a smorgasborg of food....actually it was mostly toast and bagels but still food.

after about an hour i ate my yogurt..mm yogurt.

usually i take a potty break at about noon but with not much food in the belly there just isnt any point in letting go.

A colleague heard of my predicament and approached me with an offer...we will call him "Crouch" to protect his identity. He offered me Ingrediant X...oh it has a name, but in case the wife is reading the blog...im keeping this one to myself. Crouch is thin as pin so there must be something to Ingredient X.

Snuck in a croissant in the after noon on my break...made sure the brush off any crumbs so that the Food Police wouldnt be aware. Had the Value Mart girl double bag it so as not to draw attention to it.

Came back from break and noticed a small fruit plate...it was a surprise and much appreciated.. another concerned citizen , my condescending asian-originating friend, had brought it for me...

after work i managed to stagger home from the hunger to be greeted at the door by my chubby well fed kids and my wife holding my evening slimfast shake in her hands..

Oh So Hungry Day 1 180 pounds april 18th

Wife decided yesterday that she would go on a diet. For some reason she feels that i too would benefit from a diet.

I told her i didnt care what she looks like and that i think she looks beautiful. Shes not buying it. I told her that i dont stare at the mantle piece anyway when im pokin the fire so why bother. She said she'd make up the couch for me tonight.

I am comfortable with the way I look so i begged to differ, however she holds the ladel and owns the pots and pans therefore i must comply.

She thinks one way to encourage US not to eat is put current half naked photos of us on the fridge displaying our grotesqueness??

Im a guy...who loves food...she can put a photo of crap on the fridge door and it would only make me want to eat the fudge inside..or jo louis (cream filled cakes).

Tuesday April 18 Day 1. 8am
Breakfast
Had 1 slim fast strawberry shake
Took my Hunger Curb pill
No Coffee

Wife calls my boss to ensure that i stick to my diet. Oh yes this will definately help with my weight loss and self-esteem

Lunch
Ate raw anise which luckily i like
Snuck in a croissant in the elevator
Vegetarian Sushi
Dasani raspberry water

Walked home from work
ate a bounty coconut chocolate bar...i did say im a guy so that means i am weak as water when it comes to controlling my hunger. Yes i know its been less than a day

Dinner
She made spaghetti and meat balls. Yeah way to go lady...

She also had tons of fruit cut up. Ladies...guys dont eat fruit unless its inside something meaty. Like a steak....if you can shove some apples pears and bananas into a steak then i may consider eating the fruit.

For excersize we went for a walk with the kids

Went over to moms and just had to have some coffee and some of her cake. I couldnt say no. I hadnt gone over for Easter so she had that look in her eye you know the one that leaves you with a guilt trip.

On the way home, the wife goes on about me having to control myself if im to lose 25 pounds. Im thinking i could lose 135 in minutes by leaving her nagging ass by the curb. I know she means well but im hungry.

Got home and had a banana and more dry cantelope.

My wife sucks at buying fruit. She has her mother's nack. All fruit is either brown/bruised , has fingernail marks or isnt ripe. Some even have bites in them. She just has no patience and picks up whatever she sees. She bought some strawberrys the other day that I thought had been packed in cotton but no....the "cotton" was growing around the strawberrys. She figured this was still okay. "I'll just cut aroun it"

She supposedly stuck to her diet all day.

Just finished a cup of coffee that i was dying for...its about 1:30am. time for bed....lets see how far i get tomorrow.